Octopus pick-up lines


Staff member
Site Owner
May 30, 2000
Dr. Roland Anderson (of the Seattle Aquarium) has passed on the following octopus pick-up lines, courtesy of Christin Boyd, an interpretive volunteer. Perhaps they'll work for you as well?

Top 5 Octopus pick up lines:

I really respect a mollusk who doesn't have to hide in a shell, and can just be herself.

Your beak says no, but your hearts say yes, no, and maybe.

Some scientists classify me as "vulgaris", but I'm really sweet once you get to know me.

Once you've had me, baby, you'll never go back; mostly because you'll starve to death while protecting your eggs.

Do ya mind if I stick this under your mantle?
Are you just pleased to meet me, or is that an Architeuthis in your trousers?

If I told you you had great chromatophores, would you hold them against me?

Didn't I see you on the cover of Marine Biology Monthly?

Call me Ishmael.........
oh no!!!!!!!! I can see this going toooo far again!!! :lol:

Do you sleep on your mantle?......... Can I?

Do you know the difference between my hectocotylus and a calamari ring? No??? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!

Your 'discarded crab carapace littered den' or mine?

Brrr! My arms are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving mantle?
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I can't top any of those.... how about another category, like:


For Archis:

- Yo' Mama's so ugly, when Steve-O' saw her he turned his video camera off.

- Yo' Mama's so stupid, she fell in love with a submarine.

- Yo' Mama's so mean, she sued the Velcro company for patent infringement.

For Nautiluses:

- Yo' Mama's so clueless, she thinks "airhead" is a compliment.

- Yo' Mama's so greedy, she tried to furnish her chambers and rent them to hermit crabs at a profit.

For Cuttlefish:

- Yo' Mama's so dumb, she thinks "chromataphores" are what poets use when they write about big black birds.

- Yo' Mama's so boring, she can only turn beige, taupe, and off-white.

For Octos:

- Yo' Mama's so ignorant, she thinks Jacques Cousteau was a fancy athletic supporter.

- Yo' Mama's so picky, she only opens jars if there's caviar inside.

- Yo' Mama's so lazy, she's still alive.

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