Collecting Fishy Humor


Dec 17, 2002

I'm working on a humor article for Freshwater and Marine Aquarium Magazine. If you have any *good* aquarium-related jokes that you'd like to share, I'd be glad to consider them.
Some that I've come up with include:

What pharmeceutical company makes octopus aspirin?
Bristol-Meyer Squid

Our apprentice fish collector: Annette Waver

What did the trout say when it hit a wall? Dam!

So, as you can see by these examples, I'm in dire need of some better material!


Jay Hemdal
You can't possibly publish without my favorite hip pocket octopus joke:

A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus under his arm. He sits the creature down on a stool and proclaims that his octopus is musically gifted and able to play any instrument in the world. Hearing the crowd's hoots of derision he wagers $50 that no one has a instrument his octopus can't play.

A member of the crowd fetches out an old mandolin. The octopus casually picks it up and starts strumming away. The guy takes his $50. The next person whips out a harmonica, "There's no way your octopus can play this!" The octopus wets its lips, takes up the harmonica and plays perfectly. Again the guy pockets his $50.

Finally a Scotsman walks up to the bar with a set of bagpipes and smugly sits them down besides the octopus. The octopus fumbles with them for a while and pauses, looking confused. "What's the problem?" asks the Scotsman, laughing out loud, "Can't play 'em?"

The octopus looks up, "What do you mean "Play 'em?", I'm just trying to figure out how to get into her pyjamas!"
I can't take credit for these, but they're on par with your other jokes.... :biggrin2:

What do you get if you cross an octopus and a skunk ?
An octopong !

How can you tell if two octuspus' are lovers ?
They walk arm in arm in arm in arm !

Girl: Do you know what family the octopus belongs to?
Boy: No one in our street.

What do you call a neurotic octopus?
A crazy, mixed-up squid.

What does an octopus wear when it's cold?
A coat of arms.

How do eels get around the seabed?
They go by octobus.

What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times?
Two octopuses shaking hands.

What is an octopus?
An eight-sided cat.

What do octopuses play in their spare time?
Name that tuna.

Cheers, Jimbo
Well, this is probably older than all of us put together, but.... Have you heard about the undersea barbershop quartet? They've got a First Tuna, Second Tuna, Barracuda, and Bass. Sometimes they sing on Porpoise, but mostly just for the Halibut.

(Remember, you asked for it! 8) )
Thanks folks, but I said I needed some *good* jokes :lol:

Here is another sample one (that I modified from from a partially formed punchline in a Simpson's episode):

President Carter has always been interested in zoos. He was invited to go behind the scenes of a major zoo on a special V.I.P. tour. During the tour, he got a chance to see a manatee that was being held off-exhibit in a temporary tank for rehabilitation. Enamored with the creature, he confided with the curator that he had always wanted to name a zoo animal. The curator was chagrined because it was strict zoo policy not to give anthropomorphic names to their animals, but this was President Carter, so he relented to the request. President Carter observed the huge beast for a few moments, deep in thought, and suddenly proclaimed, “I will name you Hugh.” The curator thought, “Well that wasn’t too bad, no harm done by that.” As the president and his entourage were leaving, he thanked the curator and exclaimed, “I can’t wait to come back next year and visit Hugh again.” The curator now had a big problem; he had to keep the manatee instead of releasing it as planned. You guessed it; the curator was now faced with the daunting task of building a habitat for Hugh manatee. (The original joke was a sign at a zoo the Simpson's were visiting that said, "Habitat for Huge Manatee -->"

Seriously, I'd like to fill out this article a bit more, so "keep 'em coming!".


Jay Hemdal
my brain still hurts from the last time! :frown:

Im not touching this thread with a 10 foot Enteroctopus dofleini!
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